In response to an old friend's request, yes, yes I am.

Ok, not even gonna start with '...sorry...' cuz really, I have kids and life was very crazy.

I have big news, and good news. I'll leave it to the reader to choose which is which.

First, my oldest, Cloud, is expecting her first child. I'm not sure...Ok, this will be random spilling because 'I'm not sure' is just the beginning.

I'm not sure that I ever expected to BE a grandmother, much less before 50! I am pretty ambivalent. I love babies, and I loved having my kids, and this baby goes home with mom and dad, so whoo! All the cuddles, less diapers! I know things are supposed to happen the way they do, and there are far worse outcomes but I am so angry at something - still haven't figured out what, exactly - that put her here.

If you(wherever you are) have heard about the 'opiate addiction epidemic', let me tell you its ugly. Really ugly. 2 years ago, approximately, Cloud was in the beginning stages of serious addiction, and hiding it well. It took going to jail for 2 weeks for her to detox. She was afraid to tell us for fear of disappointing us. The kid who graduated cum laude without telling us, cuz it was no big deal.

I don't blame her, addiction is not a controllable thing. She was miserable, from the first nightmare boyfriend, and chose to self-medicate. Which was supplied/encouraged by the second nightmare boyfriend...the dealer.

Choices, its all about the choices.

I believe I'm angry because she should have so much more ahead, and I don't want her to resent being a parent. It will be hard. She always said she'd adopt an older kid, to avoid diapers and lack of sleep.

She has a great guy, not a flake. Very supportive. But, her dad and I struggled and we both had really good jobs when I got pregnant. He's got a great job, but its factory work and she is working 2 nights a week as a waitress.

Once upon a time, that would have been a wonderful way to start. Not now.


If I go on about that I'll get cyclical and be annoying.


Storm, she's 15, and to quote her 'I couldn't care less about the baby, or Cloud, or the boyfriend.' Until Cloud and Boy moved out, she was more than a bit miserable. And made the WHOLE house miserable, too. And she needs different friends.

Until September, or so, she was also not interested in having a boyfriend. Now that she's started, she's gone through them like tissues. I'm counting and, Lucas, Eric, Chuck, Josh...maybe another that slipped through the cracks. So, 5 in 12 weeks or less. She tells me she gets bored. They are too clingy. It gets weird to hang out with all the other friends, because, of course, its all the same crowd.

I must not have emphasized the whole 'don't date guys who are friends' lecture.


The other news is that thanks to a vocal crew of very wonderful friends, and thanks to working on him while he's had a few beers, B has put a down payment on our trip to Jamaica! 8 days, late October, 2016. Happy 20th anniversary, and 50th birthday to us/me!

The baby will be about 10 months, my mom is coming to stay with Storm and I'll be ready to run away, hehe.

I guess that is it. Still have a part-time job; B still works for his parents, but more and more is becoming his/his brother's responsibility. Still knotting string into garments, one way or another.

I am off to coerce the hubby into making/buying dinner. I'm still running a fever, and while right now I'm good, I can't see anything positive happening if I try to make any sort of a real dinner. F'n hate fevers; make me dizzy and weak and it sucks pond water. LOTS AND LOTS of pond water.

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